A COMMITMENT TO YOU
All you have to do is walk through this door and we will make your dreams come true.
It's nice inside the door. It's not a trap. It's not a phase portal leading to a dimension without physical space. We've got refreshments in here. Material refreshments, made of matter and not plasma. Refreshments designed to be eaten by human mouths AND ONLY human mouths. To consume a refreshment, approach cautiously and say "get in my mouth" with a clear heart. If your soul is real, you will remain perfectly safe. Please refrain from looking at the refreshment, and do not condescend. Otherwise you risk explosion - I mean expulsion.
So come on - enter the door! Your cat will thank you. You will thank you. We will thank you.